Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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