I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
