No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
