Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
