oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
