Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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