I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
