So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
