What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
