All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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