how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
