I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
