You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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