if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
