you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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