There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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