The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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