Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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