my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
