he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
