Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize