Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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