Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
