Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
