Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
