have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
