yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
