I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
