how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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