We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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