did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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