I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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