Porn is love you can see.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
