They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
