we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
did i just pee glitter
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
