HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
