you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
