What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
