I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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