Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
