oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
