those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
