walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
