i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
