You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's paper in my vomit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
