I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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