I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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