He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
