You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
