I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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