I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
