hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
