My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
