Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
