My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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