she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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