dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
