Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
