I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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