Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
