I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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