You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize