please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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