Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
