Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
