I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
