one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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