Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
