she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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