I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pants are for mortals
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
