This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
