it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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