Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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